Thursday, January 27, 2011

Grief is exhausting

My dear mother-in-law died on January 18th. Then I got a letter from a friend from my childhood telling me that her mom had died on January 7th. I just sat on the stairs and had a good cry. Three deaths of significant women in my life all within one month was just too much for me to bear. However, I have good friends who are very supportive, and also children who not only are grieving for their grandmother, but are also understanding of my grief. My husband of course is grieving the loss of his mom, so I'm trying to do whatever I can to support him.

Her belongings were moved from her apartment in independent living to our home last Saturday and now we're in the process of bagging up things that can be donated and separating things that I think my sister-in-law would want.

I never realized just how exhausting grieving could be. I know all the stages of it, have grieved before, but this is the hardest grief that I've ever experienced in my life. I sleep in, take naps, and just doing simple daily activities is becoming a chore.

I did finish the sweater that I'd been working on for my 4 year old grandson and even got him to wear it. He said it was a little bit itchy around the neck. It is a tad long for him, but as our Winter seems to be heading to Spring faster than was expected, it will fit him next Winter.

Since I can't seem to focus long enough to work on a shawl that I'd planned to finish in the next month or so, I'm working on the scarf in memory of Gayle, another mindless scarf, and now the Eternity Scarf. I'm using Madelinetosh DK in the colour logwood for the Eternity Scarf, and working with this yarn is delightful.

I'm now taking Millie to doggy day care at Bark 'N Lounge three times a week, so she can play with her buddies, get exercise, and I can rest or try to do things around the house without having to plan for her daily walks. Today we did go to a dog park and she had fun running and playing with a beagle and also was more tolerant to a beautiful German Shepherd who seems to have taken a shine to Millie. He definitely became alpha dog around her and seemed to want to protect her from other dogs that ran up to her. It was quite cute to see as previously she's been quite timid around Roco, but today she walked with him as his owner and I walked around the dog park to get our exercise and let them enjoy a day without rain. They both did get a bit muddy, but it is easy to wipe it off of Millie when we get home and then brush it later.

I sold some yarn the other day and need to sort my huge stash and decide what I want to part with. It is just a matter of getting motivated to sit and label yarn and then find the best evening to take it to the knitting guild to sell it to members. I could sell more on Ravelry, but again it seems like a lot of work for me to do right now.

This too shall pass. I just want it to pass quicker than it is doing. Time heals. All the usual sayings are so true, but living in grief isn't easy. I did get to play with my grandchildren the other day and for awhile, I was happy. Then I realized that my 5 month old granddaughter will never know her great-grandmother. My mother-in-law was a beautiful lady. She was proper, she was kind, and she listened to me when I talked to her about everything. She never judged anyone, and was always willing to spend time with others. She is greatly missed.